2013

2012 was not the greatest year on record for me, but it wasn't the worst either. I took 2012 as a year to figure some things out for myself along the lines of who, what, why and where I want to be. This was one of the more difficult things I have done because it really forces you to look at all aspects of your life and take accountability for where and why you are where you are. Sometimes the hardest thing to do is realize that you and only you are responsible for how you feel and what you have. It's easy to blame a situation, bad event, crappy luck or a person for where you are, but the truth is at the core of every decision we make it is us (and only ourselves) that makes that decision to be where and what we are. We alone are in charge of our destiny, our joy, our sadness and our life. Some of us chose to live in a state of constant struggle, others take that struggle and turn it in to a drive or passion to be more than a label, a name or a feeling.

I like to think that I don't "blame" anyone for my issues and for the most part I am true to that, but every so often I think about how things may have been different if something would have gone differently. The truth of the matter is that even if I could, I wouldn't want to change it. I have worked hard for where I am and I have many blessings in my life. I am not perfect and I will not strive to be, I will just continue to try and be the best person I can be. That is my so called resolution for 2013.

Steps

The last few weeks I have been a little distracted and this ole blog has been painfully neglected. Sometimes when trying to decide how to move forward you have to clear out everything in your path to see really which direction you want to go. That's kind of what I have done the last few weeks and let me tell you how hard it is to do all that. It's like cleaning out the box of crap that has been sitting in your garage so long you just keep hoping it disappears, but since magic isn't on this realm, you have to face it and get it done.

My problem was that I got distracted by things I thought I needed to do and lost sight of what I wanted to do. Now that the focus has been returned to where it should be, I feel a bit like a large weight has been lifted ever so slightly and I have some new friends (and an old one) to thank for this. While nothing happens overnight, remembering that I am the only one in charge of making things happen for me was step one. Sometimes we get lazy, distracted or busy and forget our destiny is up to us. I was distracted, but consider me back on task!

I have some really great projects in the works and can't wait to share them, until then I will just annoy you with posts about positivity. I am one cat poster away from being a total cliche.

Image via the Indie Chicks

Friendship

I was so lucky to have one of my best friends visit with me a few weeks ago. We had only two days together, but we made the most of it by going to the beach, eating Mexican food and of course going to a theme park and riding all the rides until we almost puked. The last part was more her than me of course, but I must admit that there was one ride that had me scared out of my wits. But we survived it all. This trip however really got me thinking about my friends that I have up in Seattle. These are the friends that know when your mood has shifted, know how to help you up when you are down and most definitely know that in an emergency champagne is my beverage of choice. While we all move on and around and here and there, we always have those friends in our lives. We just need to make sure we let them know what they mean to us more often.

I am really trying to make sure that I pick up the phone, send an email or card to them more often. If you notice I didn't include text or Facebook that's because I am trying to take it beyond super convenient and make it more meaningful. Who knows if I will be able to keep it up, but I will never know until I try. Doesn't mean I will stop texting and posting on your Facebook wall, just means you should check your mailbox!!

Love all my Seattle ladies and miss them terribly.

Sab and I having a pre-party cocktail at our favorite restaurant.
Yes that's a tiara on my head. It was my 30th birthday.
Isn't that what everyone does?

Wandering

I had a writing prompt last week around the word wander. At the time I didn't have anything come to me, but tonight after viewing the moon so bright and close, it came clear. I wander. Every new country I go to I pick a street to walk down and then that leads me to the next street and so on and so on. I like the wander, but I also like being home. Home  is a special place. It's a place I like being in and know without thinking twice about where the towels are, but I mostly I like to wander. I love new experiences and new customs and different ways of doing things, at least for a time. At some point I need a little Target and a friendly voice, but at the heart of it I don't want to stay in one place for too long. It's an itch that I am lucky enough to be able to scratch.

So I got to thinking, where in the world would I really like to go...Well actually it's no where in this world. I want the moon, I want the other planets, the geek in me wants to go where no one has gone before. I need to go. With any luck my generation will go for more than just a walk and with a miracle I will be able to be a part of the first party there. So my wander is larger than where I can go, it's where I want to go. Where is your wander?

Inspiration

Somedays it is so easy to sit down and write. It's like I am having a conversation with myself and it flows out through my finger tips effortlessly. The only thing I have to do after that is to go back and edit, because if you have ever had a conversation with me you know that editing is a requirement. Other days I struggle with what to write. When this happens I try to think of a picture I have taken recently and see if there is a story that ties in with it. Sometimes I do get a story that ties in with the photo and sometimes I get a completely different story, either way I get a story. This was yesterday's photo:

And there is an excellent story that goes with it. Roof access, wine, chips, good friends and a sunset over downtown Seattle = Perfect way to end the day.

Excellent Evening

Juggle

Remember this? Yeah well I spent one day trying to make that happen and then it was tossed to the side. I already have fallen behind in about every category except work (the one that pays the majority of the bills). That doesn't quite equal balance in any sense of the word. Seriously I am baffled by my inability to get an hour a day to dedicate to me, myself and I. Perhaps I put too much pressure on myself to get this all solved immediately. How do you all juggle your life? Fake it till you make it?? Seriously I need to know! Currently the only place I can get writing done is in the plane, which on one hand is convenient since I am constantly on one, but there has got to be a better way or am I just being ridiculously optimistic? Hmm their seems to be a lot more questions than answers in this post.

In other news June seems to be the month of gift giving. I have birthday's (5), graduations (2) and father's day's (Technically only one day, but 3 people) this month and can't seem figure out what to give half of them. So I turned to the Internet for inspiration and that's when I discovered this:

Etsy MixTape Night Light

Someone has to have this, just can't figure out who yet. I found this via the SkinnyScoop Father's Day Gift Guide. There are a few creative ideas on there you should check out if you are stumped what to give the dad in your life.

Then I came across this on the Great Gifts for the High School Grad list:

Barnes and Noble

I want one too!! How neat is that? With any luck I will get my gift list checked off super quick!

Balance

I have never really known how to do things the easy way. You show me the smooth road with no bumps or road blocks and I say, "No thank you. I prefer the bumpy, rocky, turbulent road over there." Because either I am crazy or trying to make amends for being a complete idiot in another life. Take your pick.

Back in the fall I went from 180mph crazy busy to about 2mph thinking about life and things. That prompted this post that I wrote around that time, but recently posted because I came across the quote in the photo and it just fit with what I was talking about. Well now I have gone and flipped it again. Things are back in action and the schedule is back up to at least 150mph with no signs of slowing down. What I am hoping is that I can take the lessons that I learned from my not so distant past and apply it in such a way that I achieve balance in all areas of my life. While work (the kind with the paycheck) is important, specifically if you like food and shoes and stuff (which I like all of those things), I have other things in my life that also need my attention. There are the obvious friends and family, but then there are the other things, you know the things you really love to do. For me it is reading, photography, this blog and other writing. In the past and even now I allow other things to take priority over of the things I want to do for me. They get shoved to the side for when I have enough time to do them and sometimes that time does not come soon enough. This time around I am trying to put aside one hour free of distraction to write, read, walk with my camera or just work a little on my blog. For me. For my sanity. For full balance. Everyday. 

Embers

There used to be this person that enjoyed getting up each morning and going to work. She loved her job, loved her life. She made a good living, had a nice house and crazy ambition. Then something happened, but I can't quite put my finger on it. It's like this spark caught fire and instead of providing light and warmth it burnt everything to the ground. She is try to figure out how to rebuild, but the directions are so confusing that she stops reading halfway through. How did she get here? Where is she going? How does she move forward? It's way harder than she ever thought possible. The world hasn't ended, but it's not quite moving forward for her. Ever have one of those years? It's a bitch. Thank goodness there are still some embers in the ashes.

Health Care is two words worth lots of money

After I quit my job in September I looked into several insurance plans (COBRA is not an option unless you have a bank roll) and came to realize that for me and my situation having a full insurance plan was throwing money away. If I went with the standard individual plans (Ha! Standard, as if. These plans are more confusing than IKEA furniture directions) I would be spending more money out of pocket each month than I would if I went to the doctor for my yearly appoints with one or two unplanned visits and paid cash. That's not even counting the deductible that I would need to meet. So I decided to purchase the catastrophic insurance aka "Cancer Insurance" that kicks in should you have a super duper bad disease but doesn't cover anything else and decided to roll the dice on the rest.

Yesterday was the first day that I had to go to the doctor without insurance. Things had gotten pretty uncomfortable with my 'cold' and the BF told me it was time to see someone and I agreed. After a little research for a clinic close to where I am I came across the Minute Clinic (MC) located in a CVS not far from where I am at and decided to try this out as opposed to a Urgent Care (nothing against urgent care, but I didn't feel like waiting in line). Turns out the Minute Clinic was exactly what I needed. I arrived and filled out my information on a computer (general information and why I was there) and was immediately taken into a room with an LPN. After an in-depth Q&A session, my vitals were taken and she asked me a few more questions and concluded that I had a sinus and ear infection, chest congestion and an asthma flare up (the last one I knew about). I was given my prescriptions, asked if I had any questions and if it was ok for her to follow up with me in a couple of days (when was the last time your doctor followed up with you?). After talking with the girl at the CVS pharmacy she was able to make sure any of my prescriptions that could be generic and/or discounted were and for under $200 ($89 MC visit and 4 prescriptions) I was out the door. That was actually one of the better medical visits I have had in recent years.

I am not implying that this is the best solution for everything and in fact it isn't. For what I have going on this was a quick, easy and inexpensive solution (Visit the MC site for a list of services they offer). For those of you without insurance this can be a valuable resource, but there is still the issue that we don't have affordable health care readily available everywhere (MC is not available at all CVS or even all states and there are similar clinics at Walgreens that I found online but have not personally experienced). Long and short of it is that I am not an expert on this, but I am getting informed. I have options and picked one that made the most sense for ME. Even if you have insurance through your company, state or spouse you should learn about how the health care changes affect you. http://www.healthcare.gov/ is a good place to get started on understanding how the Affordable Health Care Act can help you (or not). Reading opinion pieces on how people think this affects you is not good enough. What works for me may not work for you so get educated. Affordable health care should not be so hard.

*Update - through the power of twitter I was given this handy link which is a great resource for finding a clinic (any clinic) near you! http://hc311.com/

Getting off my soapbox now and back to the beach.

Thankful and not dead...Just recovering

So I was sick, took an airplane trip, got sicker and then had to pack up my house. I am thankful to be healthy and that my house is almost packed. I am also not dead, so thankful for that as well. I will be getting back to posting and keep you on the edge of your seat starting again next week. I hope you all have a super great Thanksgiving or Thursday. Depends on your country and/or mood for celebrating the coming together of the Indians and Pilgrims for dinner before the mass slaying (and not in the Buffy kind of way).

In the meantime here is a photo that I took while at a children's amusement park in the Netherlands. It's from a small building on the property that is turned into a "museum"of basically old heads that were used throughout the park over the years. This was creepier than the haunted house they had as an attraction!

Anyone need an extra head?

LDR

Not to be confused with LDS (just in case we get a few stragglers) it means long distance relationship. So I never thought when I started this blog I would really explore this, but here is the thing there is very little on the subject. There is advice and opinions, but so little on actual trying to figure this damn thing out. I just read this article on the mommy blogger community that praised the support and love to be found there, so I thought to myself well there has to be an LDR community right? Well not really. There are some college loves, but nothing fit what I was experiencing. I know that they exist, but where are they?

I am so much luckier than most. We see each other often and the power of the Internet is the reason we can have this relationship. With all that 5000 miles isn't that much is it? Well sometimes it feels like a million. Other days it's ok and some days it is nice to have quiet. The thing I am looking for is how do you make the change? Do I move there and leave my family? What about him? That's a generalization because each and every situation is different and complex. There is no perfect formula. I know this yet I am searching for that community of support. Does it exist?

Hello? Is this thing on?