Sunday, September 16, 2012

A letter to the people next door to me with the baby

I understand that you have a child, congratulations. It's hot out. Your kid has lungs and it is now a problem. Here are my suggestions on making me not go insane and want to have a rave party 24/7 to annoy the crap out of you.

1) I know that you have air conditioning. Use it.
2) You in insist on having your windows open. Why? I hear your baby all day and all night. See number one. It involves closing your windows.
3) I don't hate babies, but I am beginning to hate yours. Don't make me hate your baby.
4) It's not that I think I am better than you, because I do have people over and we make noise, but we don't cry that loud (or even make noise that loud) and it's not all day and night. See number one.
5) Perhaps your child has issues. Look into a vacuum. I read a lot of mommy blogs that suggest this and since I can't drink the proper amount of alcohol to drown him out, throw me a bone.
6) For the love of puppies, he is an unhappy camper and I am sure it sucks for you too. So I left you a bottle of vodka on the doorstep, use it. Yup that was from me*

*For real. Maybe I should have left you my website address so you could read this.

Thank you,
Shannon (your trying not to be your drunk neighbor) 

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